Are You a 1 or a 10 on the Respect Scale?

Your dad calls. Says: I was just at doctor. He said I need to lose weight and start to work out. Can I join you to gym? You laugh. Say of course. He’s never been to gym. Buys workout clothes. Buys expensive membership. Comes in looking like little rabbit surrounded by wolves. You and your brother doing your thing with personal trainer. Fed up with yourselves. Let him go. He does his best. Walking on treadmill. Lifting some weights. Doesn’t like it but motivated. After hour in shower, he’s happy. Says: guys, let’s have fika and celebrate this. You tell him: dad, first of all, you haven’t moved. You’re not even sweaty. Now you’re going to have fika. Do you actually think you’re going to lose weight? Took 10 seconds to say that sentence. Not only words, but way you said it. He looked at you as wet dog. Said: oh, you’re right. Took his bag and left gym. Could see he was really sad. Didn’t feel he succeeded at all. That’s a 1 on respect scale. Years later, he’s sick in hospital. You drop everything. Fly to be with him. Stay by his side. Show him he matters. That’s a 10 on respect scale. Foundation of lean is to focus on flow. Flow means we work together cross-functionally. That means we are dependent on each other. That means we need teamwork and respect. You cannot give baton with 1 or 2. You give them with 8, 9 or 10. That’s how you create flow. If we can just start with when implementing lean, let’s be 10. Flow creation goes so much faster instead of being grumpy old man being 1.

Here’s what most people miss. They think respect is trivial word. Of course I respect people. But don’t give it meaning. Don’t have stories demonstrating what is 1 and what is 10. So they’re unaware of their behavior. Dad wanted to join gym. Motivated. Doing his best. Niklas crushed him with words in 10 seconds. Made him feel like wet dog. That’s 1. But Niklas was probably unaware in that moment how devastating those words were. Different from years later when he was 10. Dropped everything to be with dad in hospital. Showed respect and dignity. That’s elevation. That’s awareness. Have to give words meaning with stories. Then you have something. Like Christmas tree. You build Christmas tree then decorate it with things. Decoration means now we can talk about respect. Say: that’s a 7. Met woman at shop, she was 10. Know exactly she treated me like I was angel or king. Starting point is give words meaning with stories then start to apply them.

The challenge is most people never learned respect scale. Never had stories giving meaning to what is 1 versus 10. So they’re unaware. They meet someone who treats them 5, maybe don’t react. But will react if it’s 10 or 9 or if it’s 1 or 2. When run into 1 or 2, have to ask: shall I be person who triggers negative spiral? If they give me 2, I give them 1 and it starts. Or shall I be person that triggers positive spirals? Even if they treat me with 2, maybe don’t go to 10, but could at least say: hey, I didn’t appreciate that. Then give something positive back. That’s where it starts. Starting positive spirals. How do you want to be remembered? Who do you want to be? It’s just choice. Will always meet 1, 2, 3s all time. But if just choose to say: okay, they probably have reason for being grumpy. Have no clue what they experienced. 1 and 2 are probably 100% unaware about their behavior. Very few people are evil. People are subconscious or unaware. But maybe increase awareness if actually are positive spiral. Here was 2, let’s give him 9 and see how reacts. That’s pattern interruption. Usually makes them cry. Oh, I’m sorry. I was asshole. Don’t get that smile if go into negative spiral.

The Gym Story: A 1 on the Respect Scale

Niklas’s dad Magnus born in 1948. One of generation who you can ask anything and he always knows it. Engineer. Always right answer. Loves if you ask him something because wants to show he knows everything. Had lot of fights with Niklas but also very close because had fights but good at becoming friends again.

Maybe 10 years ago, dad calls. Says: hi, Niklas, I was just at doctor and he said I need to lose some weight and start to work out. Can I join you and Eric (Niklas’s brother) to gym? Niklas was quiet. Said of course you can join gym. Was laughing.

They were working at gym called Metropole. Had personal trainer. Thought they were so cool. Dad had never been at gym. Bought workout clothes. Bought membership which was quite expensive. Came there. Looked like little rabbit surrounded by 20 wolves when came in. So small. Wasn’t toughest guy on Earth. But knew he needed to work out.

Niklas and brother weren’t so nice. Going with PT. Doing their thing. Fed up with themselves. Just let dad go. He was doing his best. Walking little bit on treadmill. Lifting some weights. Didn’t like it at all but was really motivated. I’m going to do this. Need to get in shape.

After one hour go down in shower. He’s so happy. Says: guys, let’s have fika and celebrate this. Fika is Swedish concept. Have treat or something warm like coffee or tea. Pre-lunch. Not too heavy. Celebrate afternoon chill. Eat something sweet and have nice time. Cup of coffee and talk.

Dad said: guys, we have to celebrate. May I buy you guys fika? Then worst version of Niklas comes out. Tells him: dad, first of all, you haven’t moved. You’re not even sweaty. Now you’re going to have fika. Do you actually think you’re going to lose weight?

Took 10 seconds to say that sentence. Not only words, but way said it. Dad just looked at him as wet dog. Said: oh, you’re right, Niklas. Took his bag and left gym. Could see he was really sad. Didn’t feel he succeeded at all.

That’s a 1 on respect scale.

The Hospital Story: A 10 on the Respect Scale

Years later, different situation. Dad sick in hospital. Niklas drops everything. Flies to be with him. Stays by his side. Shows him he matters. Treats him with dignity and respect.

That’s a 10 on respect scale.

The International Scale of Respect

By giving stories to demonstrate this is 1 and this is 10, you have something. It’s like Christmas tree. Build Christmas tree then decorate it. Decoration means now can talk about respect. Can say: that’s 7. Met woman at shop, she was 10. Know exactly she treated me like angel or king.

Starting point is give words meaning with stories then start to apply them. Took probably 10 minutes to come and understand what respect is now for rest of lives. Can talk about respect and have two stories. Next time when say: I met this old man, he was 2. What did he do? That’s new story adding up to understanding of respect.

Give principles which can use as almost glasses when filter behavior, others’ behavior. That’s trampoline that kicks continuous improvement. Need to have some kind of possibility to measure behaviors, which is quite abstract. But now can see: I met woman. She was 9. What did she do? How did she treat you so well?

Good starting point to actually just get common language to start communicate with each other effectively.

Positive Spirals vs Negative Spirals

If meet someone who treats you 5, maybe don’t react. But will react if it’s 10 or 9 or if it’s 1 or 2.

What’s interesting: if so unfortunate that run into 1 or 2, have to ask ourselves, shall I be person who triggers negative spiral? If they give me 2, I give them 1 and then it starts. Or shall I be person that triggers positive spirals? Even if they treat me with 2, maybe don’t go to 10, but could at least say: hey, I didn’t appreciate that. Then give something positive back. That’s where it starts.

Starting positive spirals. How do you want to be remembered? Who do you want to be? It’s just choice. Will always meet 1, 2, 3s all time.

If just choose to say: okay, they probably have reason for being grumpy. Have no clue what they experienced. 1 and 2 are probably 100% unaware about their behavior. Very few people are evil. People are subconscious or unaware about behaviors. But maybe increase awareness if actually are positive spiral. Here was 2, let’s give him 9 and see how reacts.

That’s pattern interruption. Usually like: whoa. Maybe makes them cry. Oh, I’m sorry. I was asshole. Don’t get that if go into negative spiral.

Flow Requires Respect

If really want to live lean life, if there’s person that’s in 1 or 2, that should trigger response to bring them out to 9 or 10. If really want to create flow within organization, have to work together like relay game. I run first, you get baton, then you run. Cannot give baton with 1 or 2. You give them with 8, 9 or 10. That’s how you create flow.

Quite obvious that teamwork and respect is foundation of lean or Toyota production system. Because it’s all about flow. And we are dependent on each other. Then we need to respect each other.

If we can just start with when implementing lean, let’s be 10. Flow creation goes so much faster instead of being grumpy old man being 1.

The System Failed You

Let’s be clear. When people operate at 1 or 2 on respect scale, it’s often because they’re unaware. The system failed by not giving words meaning with stories. Nobody showed what 1 looks like versus what 10 looks like. Nobody explained that dad coming to gym motivated, doing his best, wanting to celebrate is moment requiring 10, not 1. Nobody demonstrated that telling him he’s not even sweaty and thinking he’ll lose weight crushes him like wet dog. The system taught respect is trivial word when actually need stories giving it meaning.

The system also failed by not teaching to trigger positive spirals, not negative spirals. If your project needs superintendent coaching, project support, or leadership development, Elevate Construction can help your field teams stabilize, schedule, and flow. If run into 1 or 2, choice is: shall I trigger negative spiral giving them 1 back? Or shall I trigger positive spiral giving them 9? They probably have reason for being grumpy. Have no clue what they experienced. 1 and 2 are probably 100% unaware. Pattern interruption of giving 9 when receive 2 usually makes them cry realizing they were asshole. The system taught react in kind when actually trigger positive spirals.

The system fails by not teaching that flow requires respect. Cannot give baton with 1 or 2. Give them with 8, 9 or 10. That’s how you create flow. Foundation of lean is teamwork and respect because flow means working together cross-functionally, being dependent on each other. If implementing lean, start with being 10. Flow creation goes so much faster. The system taught focus on tools and techniques when actually foundation is teamwork and respect.

The Challenge

Here’s your assignment. Stop being unaware of your respect level. Start using 1 to 10 scale.

Give words meaning with stories. Build Christmas tree then decorate it. Have stories demonstrating what is 1 and what is 10. Dad wanting to celebrate going to gym. You tell him he’s not even sweaty, think he’ll lose weight? That’s 1. Makes him feel like wet dog. Dad sick in hospital. You drop everything to be with him. That’s 10. Now can talk about respect using scale. Met woman at shop, she was 10. Treated me like angel. Met old man, he was 2. New stories adding up to understanding.

Choose to trigger positive spirals, not negative spirals. Will always meet 1, 2, 3s. If run into 2, shall I give them 1 back starting negative spiral? Or shall I give them 9 triggering positive spiral? They probably have reason for being grumpy. Have no clue what they experienced. 1 and 2 are probably unaware. Pattern interruption of giving 9 when receive 2 makes them realize. Don’t get that going negative spiral.

Remember flow requires respect. Cannot give baton with 1 or 2. Give them with 8, 9 or 10. That’s how you create flow. If really want to create flow within organization, work together like relay game. I run first, you get baton, you run. Foundation of lean is teamwork and respect because all about flow and we’re dependent on each other.

If implementing lean, be 10. Flow creation goes so much faster instead of being grumpy old man being 1.

On we go.

FAQ

What is the respect scale?

1 to 10 scale where 1 is terrible respect, 10 is treating someone like king or angel. Give words meaning with stories demonstrating what is 1 and what is 10. Then can talk about respect using scale. Met woman at shop, she was 10. Met old man, he was 2. Stories add up to understanding of respect.

What’s example of a 1 on respect scale?

Dad wanted to join gym. Motivated. Doing his best. Wanted to celebrate with fika after first workout. Niklas told him: you haven’t moved, you’re not even sweaty, you think you’re going to lose weight? Dad looked like wet dog. Took bag and left. Could see he was really sad. That’s 1.

What’s example of a 10 on respect scale?

Years later, dad sick in hospital. Niklas drops everything. Flies to be with him. Stays by his side. Shows him he matters. Treats him with dignity and respect. That’s 10.

How do you trigger positive spirals instead of negative spirals?

If run into 1 or 2, choice is: shall I give them 1 back starting negative spiral? Or shall I give them 9 triggering positive spiral? They probably have reason for being grumpy. Have no clue what they experienced. 1 and 2 are probably 100% unaware. Pattern interruption of giving 9 when receive 2 usually makes them realize they were asshole. Don’t get that going negative spiral.

Why does flow require respect?

If really want to create flow within organization, work together like relay game. I run first, you get baton, you run. Cannot give baton with 1 or 2. Give them with 8, 9 or 10. That’s how you create flow. Foundation of lean is teamwork and respect because all about flow and we’re dependent on each other.