Breaking Free from Ego: Lessons from The Power of Now

I recently finished one of the most important books I have ever read, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. This book has completely reframed how I think about myself, my thoughts, and my role as a leader. When you connect its teachings with the wisdom of thinkers like Simon Sinek, Brené Brown, Tony Robbins, and even practices like box breathing from Mark Divine, everything comes together in a way that makes sense.

The central idea is that our ego is not who we really are. Ego is a false sense of self. It forms when we identify with our thoughts, emotions, possessions, roles, or status and then try to maintain control to protect that identity. Ego is what causes arguments, grudges, wars, and even the everyday frustrations that keep us stuck in negativity.

Think about it. When you argue with your spouse because you feel offended, that is ego. When you get upset and can’t let go of hurt feelings, that is ego. When you worry endlessly about the future or shame yourself about the past, that is ego too. Even large-scale conflict and oppression across the world can be traced back to groups or leaders acting out of ego.

The truth is simple: we are not our thoughts. We exist before and beyond them. If I ask you to think of a red Ferrari, you can do it instantly. But the “you” that noticed that thought was already there before the thought arrived. That awareness is who you truly are, not the endless stream of thoughts your mind generates.

Tolle explains that ego thrives in a few predictable ways. One is through identification with thoughts, constantly narrating a story about who we are and seeking validation. Another is emotional reactivity, which makes us addicted to conflict, drama, and negativity. Ego also pushes us into an insatiable desire for more, more possessions, more recognition, more control. And then there is comparison, competition, and attachment to roles and labels, all of which reinforce the illusion of self-importance.

I found myself reflecting on this while remembering C. S. Lewis’s book The Great Divorce. In it, a man named George arrives at the gates of heaven still chained to his ego, which appears as a giant holding him captive. Every time George becomes present, he grows stronger and the ego weakens. But when he returns to resentment and anger, the ego swells and overpowers him. That story hit me deeply because it describes how ego holds all of us back from freedom.

So how do we move beyond ego? First, we must become aware of it. That means noticing when we are being reactive, judgmental, or fearful and realizing that this is not our true self speaking. Second, we must practice being present. Through breathing exercises, mindfulness, or simply pausing to notice what is real right now, we loosen the ego’s grip. Third, we must let go of comparisons and roles that give us artificial worth and instead find meaning in growth, service, and contribution.

There is a math equation that helps here: happiness equals reality minus expectations. If your reality is at an eight but your expectations are at a ten, the result is negative two, which feels like unhappiness. Ego constantly pushes those expectations higher and higher. But when we adjust our expectations or simply appreciate the reality we already live in, we experience joy.

This practice has transformed my own life. Since I began working on it, I feel more present with my family, more content in the moment, and more at peace with myself. I still stumble, of course, but I know where to return. Each time I step away from ego and back into presence, I feel like I am experiencing heaven on earth.

Ego is what makes us fearful and controlling. It is what fuels anger, division, and destructive behavior. But when we let go of ego and live in the present, we experience freedom. We find joy not in the stories our mind tells, but in the reality of now.

On we go.

Key Takeaway
Ego thrives on fear, comparison, and control, but when we live in the present and let go of those attachments, we experience freedom and joy.