Getting Rid of the Tough Exterior in Construction

In construction, there has long been a culture of toughness, one where showing emotion is seen as weakness. Brandon Montero and I sat down in Guadalajara after a boot camp to talk about that very mindset and the damage it does to people and our industry.

Brandon shared a story from training about someone in an OAC meeting who started to show signs of emotion under pressure. Instead of offering support, the superintendent pulled him aside and said, “If you can’t grow a thicker skin, then this industry probably isn’t for you.” Hearing this made my blood boil. That mindset is not leadership. It is a dismissal.

We have to be human beings in this industry. People cuss, meetings get heated, emotions run high. But instead of telling people to get out if they cannot take it, leaders should be asking how they can create better environments, how they can protect and support their people, and how they can bring harmony to a workplace that too often normalizes aggression.

Construction today is not just a place for hard exteriors and so-called grit. It is a place for diverse people with different strengths, backgrounds, and ways of working. If our only standard is “be tough or leave,” we exclude talented people who could thrive if given support. Leaders should not be adding to the belittling but instead creating environments where individuals can be their authentic selves.

We talked about the false sayings that often float around construction like real men do not cry, suck it up, pain is weakness leaving the body, or complaining is for the weak. These phrases are toxic. They are lazy substitutes for true leadership. They create environments where people shut down instead of speaking up, where fear overshadows vulnerability, and where inclusion and empathy are replaced by bravado.

True strength is not about how much emotion you can hide. It is about how much authenticity you can bring. Vulnerability is not weakness. It is one of the most powerful tools a leader can have. Looking back on my own career, the one thing I wish I had embraced earlier was vulnerability. Instead of masking concern with threats or anger, I could have said, “I am worried about this and I need your help.” That simple act of honesty builds trust, strengthens teams, and creates space for people to show up as their whole selves.

Brandon put it perfectly. Vulnerability means being confident enough to be transparent and honest, to let others see the real person behind the exterior. It does not diminish strength, it proves it. And when leaders model that behavior, they give others permission to do the same.

If we want to elevate construction, we must let go of the false toughness that has been passed down for generations. We must replace it with empathy, inclusion, and vulnerability. We must stop tolerating toxic behavior and start protecting people. If we continue clinging to the outdated idea that only the toughest survive, we will push away the very people who could transform our industry for the better.

Key Takeaway
Construction does not need more hard exteriors or empty toughness. It needs leaders willing to show vulnerability, create supportive environments, and replace toxic sayings with genuine care and empathy. True strength is protecting people, not tearing them down.