Owning Expectations with Foremen

One of the most powerful lessons I have learned in leadership is the need to own expectations in relationships, especially with foremen. This idea came to me recently during a coaching conversation with an employee who was struggling with conflict at work. The back-and-forth finger pointing reminded me of a principle from Jocko Willink: extreme ownership. Even if you feel justified in your behavior, it is often more productive to own the relationship, take responsibility, and do what you can to repair it.

I shared a personal story. Growing up as an only child, I had a bad habit of throwing people away. When things got tough or criticism came my way, I would shut down, walk away, or end the relationship. That pattern followed me into adulthood until I realized how destructive it was. If it were not for my wife Kate, who has consistently extended grace, calmed me down, and worked to bring me back into alignment, we might not be married today. She taught me that sometimes the other person needs you to be the one who steps forward, not the one waiting for an apology.

That same principle applies to how superintendents and project leaders work with foremen. Too often, leaders complain that a foreman is uncooperative, late, difficult, or even hostile. It is easy to dismiss them as the problem. But when you pause and look deeper, you see a different picture.

Most foremen in our industry have endured years of mistreatment. They have been yelled at, blamed for failures, and pushed aside. Many have had to work in poor conditions without basic facilities. They have been bossed around by people with less experience who showed little respect for their craft. They have had payments delayed, sometimes for months, and they have carried the weight of dragging general contractors across the finish line. They have seen fake leaders, phony lean efforts, and toxic behaviors all while trying to deliver results for their crews.

Knowing this, it should not surprise us when a foreman does not immediately trust, collaborate, or assume the best about us as superintendents. They may carry scars from years of abuse. They may have learned to be defensive. In that moment, you may be justified in saying their behavior is unacceptable. But being justified does not always solve the problem. Sometimes, like in a marriage, you must be the one to step forward, extend the olive branch, and broker a new way forward.

This is why I believe owning the expectations with foremen is one of the most critical responsibilities we have as leaders. We cannot assume that foremen will automatically buy into our systems, trust our intentions, or engage with enthusiasm. We must build that relationship. We must show respect, consistency, and integrity. We must demonstrate that our words match our actions. And when conflict arises, we must take responsibility for guiding the relationship back on track.

The reality is that trade partners often carry projects across the finish line despite incompetence from large contractors. I have seen multimillion-dollar projects run poorly at the general contractor level but succeed only because strong foremen and trades refused to let them fail. That should be humbling. It should remind us that much of our success is built on the shoulders of trade partners and foremen who grind every day to make it work.

So the next time you are frustrated with a foreman, pause. Ask yourself if you are waiting for them to apologize or if you are willing to take ownership of the relationship. Remember their history, their challenges, and their importance to the success of the project. Then step forward, initiate the conversation, and build the bridge.

Owning expectations with foremen is not just a leadership technique. It is an act of respect, humility, and wisdom. It creates stronger relationships, better collaboration, and ultimately more successful projects. And it starts with us.

On we go.

Key Takeaway

Owning expectations with foremen means taking responsibility for the relationship, respecting their struggles, and leading with humility to build trust and success.