How Do You Deal With Conflict in a Team?

Conflict on a team is going to happen. The question is whether it makes the team stronger or tears it apart. Here’s what healthy conflict looks like, why every team has to go through it, and five practical ways to resolve it.

Short answer: Don’t avoid conflict, guide it. Every team goes through a storming stage, so build trust and proximity first, learn how each person likes to communicate (player cards), give feedback on behaviors instead of people, practice hard conversations in meetings, and use simple tools like “put it in the bowl” to get tough topics on the table.

What Is Healthy Conflict?

Let’s start by defining what conflict actually is. Simply put, conflict is a sharp disagreement between people. But not all conflict is the same. There’s a difference between conflict and healthy conflict.

Healthy conflict creates space for treating people with respect, listening to others’ ideas, and considering them during collaborative, iterative, and agile processes. Make sure every voice gets heard, not just the loudest one.

5 Key Things That Leaders Do

Leaders inevitably face conflict within their teams. Whether you like it or not, it’s going to happen. But as a leader, it’s your responsibility to handle it. Effective leaders build their teams, have hard conversations when needed, coach or mentor direct reports, hold effective meetings, and manage communication. These five key things are part of what it means to be a leader, and conflict resolution plays a vital role in all of them.

One of the worst mistakes you can make is assuming that your team will never experience conflict. When you ignore conflict, real problems remain unsolved. The truth is, conflict can be a good thing—if you can guide your team through it in a healthy way.

Why Is Conflict Important in Team Building?

Conflict is a natural part of team-building. Every team goes through the four stages psychologist Bruce Tuckman described in 1965:

1. Forming: The team comes together.
2. Storming: People step on each other’s toes, and conflict arises.
3. Norming: The team starts to rally behind a shared goal or central figure.
4. Performing: The team achieves a high level of performance by working together.

You cannot avoid conflict if you want your team to succeed. In fact, you cannot become a high-performing team without going through that storming phase. If you’re calling your group a “team,” they must hold each other accountable, which includes engaging in healthy conflict. Healthy conflict is crucial for teams to hold each other accountable and set collective standards.

A Movie Recommendation for Team Building

For a great example of how teams can push through conflict, watch Remember the Titans. It shows how a coach leads a team to overcome cultural and personal conflicts by fostering trust, encouraging open communication, and rallying around a shared goal. Despite a culture of conflict and hatred, the team comes together through proximity and trust, solving problems through healthy conflict rather than letting negativity dominate. It’s an excellent metaphor for team-building and conflict resolution.

Helpful Exercise to Get to Know Each Other in a Team

Not all teams have the natural proximity of a football team, as in Remember the Titans, but there are ways to build that connection. One effective exercise is the “Personal Histories” activity. Bring your team together and have each person share something about their background that they believe is relevant to the team. This allows team members to gain insight into each other’s lives and thinking, fostering understanding and trust, which is a great foundation for resolving conflict. For more ideas, see these team building activities.

How to Find Ways to Resolve Conflict in Your Team

Once you’ve established proximity, the next step is finding real ways to resolve conflict. One powerful tool is creating a “player card” for each team member. This can include personality profiles (like DISC or StrengthsFinder), communication preferences, feedback styles, and key points that others should know about them. Aggregating this data helps team members understand each other better, which is key to resolving conflict effectively. Sharing these player cards among the team creates pathways for resolving conflict and building stronger connections.

For instance, I once had a colleague who disliked emails, finding them disrespectful. After learning this through his player card, I stopped sending emails and began having in-person conversations with him instead. Our relationship drastically improved once we understood each other’s preferences.

Benefits of Increasing Proximity in Your Team

Proximity is essential for team growth. Getting people into meetings, encouraging them to spend time together, and creating open office environments all contribute to building a stronger, more collaborative team. This closeness helps team members rely on each other, build trust, and better handle conflict.

How Do You Give Feedback Without Starting a Fight?

Effective feedback is crucial for healthy conflict. Instead of criticizing, use a more constructive approach, and teach your team to do the same. When providing feedback, say: “I noticed [specific behavior]. If you did [alternative behavior], you could achieve [desired outcome].” This method focuses on actions and outcomes, rather than on personal attacks, keeping the feedback productive. It encourages accountability without triggering defensiveness.

How to Practice Discussing Hard Things in Meetings

Practice makes perfect. Regularly encourage your team to discuss hard topics in meetings. Create a safe environment for open feedback and disagreement, and praise those who speak up. This normalizes healthy conflict and helps prevent the team from falling into false harmony or, worse, toxic conflict.

What Are 5 Ways to Resolve Conflict in a Team?

Here are five practical methods to help resolve conflict in your team:

1. Put it in the Bowl: Have team members anonymously write down their biggest concerns or challenges, then pull them out one by one for discussion. This creates a safe space for addressing tough topics without direct confrontation.
2. Brainstorm Mode: During brainstorming sessions, emphasize that no decisions are being made, so everyone feels free to speak up without fear of criticism.
3. Decision-Making: When decisions are tough, assign one person to make the final call after considering everyone’s input. This ensures clarity and progress.
4. Get to the Root of the Problem: If a conflict persists, dig deeper to identify and address the root cause, rather than just surface-level issues, often by asking “why” multiple times.
5. Consider a Coach: Sometimes, an outside facilitator or coach can help guide the team through difficult conflicts. Don’t hesitate to bring in extra support when needed.

If the conflict is between two specific people, here is how to resolve conflict between two employees.

Important Advice When Resolving Conflict in Your Team

While conflict is essential for team growth, there’s a line between healthy and toxic conflict. It’s crucial to strike a balance. Patrick Lencioni, in The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, warns about both extremes: artificial harmony, where nobody says what they think, and mean-spirited personal attacks. Aim for the middle: honest debate about ideas.

Remember, you’re not creating a toxic environment by addressing conflict. Trust is key—without it, conflict becomes destructive. With healthy conflict, you’ll set goals together, hold each other accountable, and start performing at a high level.

If your project team is stuck in the storming stage, our superintendent coaching and leadership development can help.

Learn More with These Resources

For a deeper dive into team-building and conflict resolution, I highly recommend the book Elevating Construction Senior Superintendents, Book 1. It’s packed with strategies and insights for leaders looking to build high-performing teams. You can find the book in print or as a free audio version.

By mastering conflict resolution, you’ll not only build a stronger team but also set the stage for high performance and mutual accountability. Good luck!

FAQ

Is conflict good for a team?

Healthy conflict is. Teams can’t reach high performance without going through the storming stage, as long as there’s trust and the conflict is about ideas, not people.

What is a simple feedback formula?

“I noticed [behavior]. If you did [alternative], you could get [outcome].”

When should you bring in a coach?

When a conflict keeps coming back and the team can’t resolve it on its own.