In this blog post, you’ll discover why most people act the way they do and how their actions are driven by four basic human needs. We’ll also explore the two spiritual needs that can actually influence behavior outcomes, as well as three factors that can change those behaviors. By the end, you’ll have a clearer understanding of why people behave the way they do in various situations. So, stay with us.
Alright, let’s dive right in. I’m super excited about this topic, and I believe we’re going to explain it in a way that will make perfect sense. You can use this pattern wherever you go. When I first learned this pattern, I thought, “That’s pretty interesting,” but now that I’ve used it for years, I see this pattern everywhere.
Important Thing to Understand About Positive Intentions
Let’s start by understanding that everyone has positive intent. I know that’s a hard concept to grasp, and you might disagree with me. Hold on, hold on. Don’t get upset just yet. Everyone has positive intent. Anger, conflict, yelling, and even punishing people often have positive intentions behind them. Even people who use drugs are trying to numb themselves to escape pain. If you look at any situation, there’s typically a positive intent. This doesn’t mean the actions are moral or ethical, but it means they are driven by a desire for a positive outcome for themselves. By understanding these intentions, we can help others and ourselves.
The 4 Basic Human Needs
I want to introduce you to the four basic human needs:
- Certainty: The desire for consistency, safety, and predictability in our lives, like having a roof over our heads.
- Variety: Sometimes humans get bored and want to change their environment.
- Significance: The need to feel important and liked by others.
- Love and Connection: The need to feel connected to others.
How People React When They Lack a Basic Human Need
When a person focuses on one of these needs and doesn’t get it, they respond accordingly. For example, if I’m with my child and a dangerous dog starts running towards us, I’ll get angry and likely attack the dog and yell at the owner. This response is driven by my need for certainty—keeping my child safe. If I don’t get this certainty, I’ll respond with anger.
Similarly, in a marriage, if your spouse isn’t making you feel special, you might feel insignificant and unloved. This lack of significance and love can lead to sadness and anger, creating a cycle of arguments and apologies. This cycle, where you’re not getting what you need, is called the sad-mad cycle.
How People Can Fall Into Numbing
People can’t survive in the sad-mad cycle for long. The human psyche can’t sustain prolonged sadness or anger, so they start numbing. Numbing can come from overworking, drugs, alcohol, smoking, excessive sex, or any distraction used to mask the pain of unmet needs. Sadly, sometimes people even resort to suicide.
What to Do If You Lack a Basic Human Need
So, what are your options if you lack a basic human need? Instead of numbing, you have two other options:
- Get What You Need: If you lack certainty, work harder to achieve job security or improve your marriage. However, this isn’t always the best solution.
- Focus on Spiritual Needs: The two spiritual needs are growth and contribution. Instead of reacting negatively to unmet needs, focus on growing and contributing. This could mean exercising, reading, volunteering, or serving others, regardless of what you get in return.
How to Fulfill Your Basic Needs by Focusing on the 2 Spiritual Needs
Prioritize your needs towards growth and contribution. You have control over these needs. Unlike the basic needs of certainty, variety, significance, and love, you can control how much you grow and contribute. Focusing on these can fulfill your needs in a positive and sustainable way.
How to Analyze People Through Their Behaviors and Body Language
When analyzing people, their behaviors, and body language, start by identifying their positive intent. Then, determine which need they are clinging to. For example, if your foreman is upset and crossing his arms during a meeting, consider that he might be worried about not meeting a deadline and the certainty of his job performance. Understanding this allows you to address the real issue rather than reacting negatively.
This pattern is crucial in any industry with frequent misunderstandings. By identifying positive intent and the associated need, you can find win-win solutions and foster better communication and collaboration.
For more in-depth analysis, check out another post on our channel where we delve into these concepts with visual aids. I hope this helps. On we go.
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On we go!