In your role as a crew leader, you will deal with many people you feel are difficult. You will be hurt by them, offended, or put off. It is your job to handle this without making it emotional, and then to lead with energy, gratitude, and giving.
This is Part 9 of my walk-through of my book Elevating Construction Foremen. If you are just joining, start with Part 1. This part is about dealing with difficult people in construction, the energy bus, gratitude, and the Go-Giver.
Short answer: Difficult people are usually wounded, so regulate your own emotions, listen, connect, and set boundaries kindly before moving to consequences. Then drive your crew with energy, because the leader sets the dial. Be grateful and be a giver to your crew, the community, and the people around you. Givers gain, takers lose, and humble givers get elevated.
Why Are Difficult People Difficult?
Start by realizing they are wounded. Most anger, spite, attitude, and grumpiness comes because they have been hurt in some way. That does not justify their behavior, but it does mean you do not need to respond emotionally. If you do, you just continue the cycle. Christine Caine said, “Hurt people hurt people… Healthy people help people.”
I was once put on a project as the cleanup man. Several PMs and superintendents had quit, and the chatter was, “The owner’s rep is awful, and he makes our lives miserable.” I asked why. I started asking him about his home life and his family, and found out he had it pretty rough at his house. He just wanted someone to talk with. As soon as those conversations started, the negative talk went away, and the job ran smoothly. More in Dealing with Emotional People.
How Do You Deal With Difficult People?
- Listen and be empathetic.
- Understand what they want and acknowledge it.
- Say something positive, like “I can help you with that.”
- Speak to the facts about any constraints.
- Answer the question they should have asked, and frame the context.
- Connect, and ask what it would take to buy in to working together.
- If that doesn’t work, go into consequence mode, shape the culture around them, and take massive action.
Say a crew member interrupts feedback with, “When am I going to get promoted? Corporate promised me a raise.”
| Step | What you say or do |
|---|---|
| 1. Listen | Stay in control of your face and keep smiling, which keeps you in control of the conversation. |
| 2. Reflect it back | “I think what you’re saying is you’re asking about a promotion. I can help you with that.” |
| 3. Frame the context | “I can sign off your training, but HR and leadership have the final say.” This sets boundaries in a kind way. |
| 4. Take action and ask | “What if I get you on the phone with HR during the break? Would that work for you?” |
| 5. Hold the line | “I explained the path. This meeting is for project feedback, so I’ll move on now.” |
That frames the culture and sets clear expectations. Removing someone is a last resort.
What Is the Energy Bus?
The real measure of success is driving the task, the information, and the crew with energy. Energy is the source of all motivation, attraction, and progress. Jon Gordon’s The Energy Bus shows how to harness it for your crew. Sun Tzu wrote, “Energy may be likened to the bending of a crossbow; decision, to the releasing of a trigger.”
At Okland Construction, when the concrete general superintendent Raul showed up, everyone moved faster, not out of fear, but because his energy filled the air and became contagious. I would classify him as the best leader of men and women I have ever met.
How Does a Crew Leader Set the Energy Dial?
- You set the dial by putting out the same energy you want, in your physiology, mood, and effort.
- Focus your energy on a clear purpose or challenge.
- Make it the norm to match your energy, and choose people who can keep up.
- Don’t dwell on haters, mistakes, or delays, and don’t let anyone drain your crew’s energy.
- Good energy never comes from fear. It comes from care, connection, and winning.
- Have fun and celebrate the wins.
For more, read Generating Energy.
Why Are Great Leaders Grateful Givers?
Great leaders are grateful, and they give. Across tens of thousands of people I have trained, I have seen the difference. A grateful leader leads from appreciation and care. Givers elevate everyone around them, and in turn they are elevated. Tony Robbins said, “Givers gain, takers lose.”
I once met a crew leader whose crew was top-performing and loyal. With relevance, connection, and measurement on my mind (from Part 8), I asked what he knew about his workers, and he knew small details about their home lives. His crew told me he was teaching one of them to operate equipment, another was studying to be a certified pipe layer, and he had given one a set of tools and a book to improve his layout. He was a giver and a true mentor. Givers gain and get promoted.
How Can a Crew Leader Give to the Crew?
Bring coffee or donuts. Ask how they are doing at home. Take them to lunch. Buy nice gloves or specialty tools. Show appreciation publicly. Send flowers home to spouses, give gift cards, or let the crew take off early after a job well done.
What Is the Go-Giver Mindset?
It is a two-part mindset. Part one is giving as a default and a way of life. Part two is remaining humble. Be known as the quiet person who consistently performs on time and under budget, not the loud one who promises much and does little. Major Dick Winters climbed the ranks but kept the heart of a paratrooper. Keep your heart in the trade, and pull up the people around you. Jim Rohn said, “Only by giving are you able to receive more than you already have.”
Early in my career at Hensel Phelps, I developed coordinate geometry software and a training website for our field engineers. An operations manager, with no benefit to himself, got permission to send my wife and me on a trip just to thank us. I watched him progress to executive vice president. Yes, he was smart. But above all, he was a giver.
In The Go-Giver, Bob Burg and John David Mann lay out five laws:
| Law | What it says |
|---|---|
| 1. Value | Your true worth is how much more you give in value than you take. |
| 2. Compensation | Your income is how many people you serve and how well. |
| 3. Influence | Your influence is how abundantly you place others’ interests first. |
| 4. Authenticity | The most valuable gift you have to give is your authentic self. |
| 5. Receptivity | The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving. |
For more, read The Go-Giver. Chris Hadfield wrote that leadership “is about laying the groundwork for others’ success, and then standing back and letting them shine.” We get to a month, week, and day in the life of a crew leader in Part 10.
So here is the challenge. Think of the most difficult person on your project and have a real conversation about their life, not the work. Then pick two ideas from the giving list and do them for your crew in the next two weeks, and watch what happens to the energy on your crew.
Bottom line: Regulate your emotions, bring the energy, and give first, because givers gain and the crew follows the leader’s lead.
If your project needs superintendent coaching, project support, or leadership development, Elevate Construction can help your field teams stabilize, schedule, and flow.
On we go.
Elevating Construction Foremen series:
Previous: Part 8: Organizing Workers, the Three Signs of a Miserable Job, and the Ideal Team Player
Next: Part 10: Zones, Pull Plans, Quality Precon Meetings, and Studying Drawings
FAQ
How should a crew leader deal with difficult people?
Realize they are usually wounded, and don’t respond emotionally. Listen, acknowledge what they want, say something positive, speak to the facts, connect, and only then move to consequences or massive action.
What is the energy bus for a crew leader?
From Jon Gordon’s The Energy Bus: energy is the source of motivation and progress, and the leader sets the dial. Your crew matches the energy you bring, so focus it, protect it, and never build it on fear.
Why do gratitude and giving matter for crew leaders?
Grateful leaders lead from appreciation and care, and givers elevate everyone around them, so they get supported and elevated in return. In my experience, givers gain and get promoted.
People Also Read:
The Go Giver
Dealing with Emotional People
The Energy of the Team!
Never Go on Site Without Caring for Foremen
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Meet Jason Schroeder, the driving force behind Elevate Construction. As the company’s Founder and COO, he’s dedicated to taking construction to new heights. With a wealth of industry experience, he’s crafted the Field Engineer Boot Camp and Superintendent Boot Camp – intensive training programs engineered to cultivate top-tier leaders capable of steering their teams towards success. Jason’s vision? To expand his training initiatives across the nation, empowering construction firms to soar to unprecedented levels of excellence.